Grief is a deeply personal experience that affects everyone differently. Supporting someone through this journey requires patience, empathy, and practical actions that help provide comfort and reassurance.
Grief is not something that can be “solved.” Often, the best thing you can do as someone who is trying to care for another person going through grief and loss is simply listen. Avoid offering unsolicited advice or attempt to rationalize their feelings. Instead:
● What to say: “I’m here for you,” or “What you’re feeling right now is normal and healthy.”
● What to avoid: “They’re in a better place,” or “at least you still have [another person/thing].” These kind of statements can come across as minimizing or dismissive, and are typically unhelpful for the griever.
Sometimes words altogether aren’t necessary. Just your physical presence alone can offer immense comfort.
● How to help: Sit with them, offer physical comfort such as a hug or holding their hand, or engage in an activity together like sharing a meal or going for a walk.
● How to show up: Attend memorial services, offer to spend time with them, stay in regular contact with them. Grief can be very isolating. Your presence reminds them that they’re not alone.
Don’t just say “let me know if you need anything.” Grief can be very draining, so offering to aid in maintaining daily responsibilities can be very helpful.
● How to help: Drop off a meal (or arrange a meal delivery), assist with chores, run errands, offer to take care of pets, or babysit children. When experiencing grief, making decisions feels exhausting. By offering specific, practical help, it can reduce their mental load and makes it easier for them to accept support.
Grief is unpredictable and non-linear. People may feel okay one day and be overwhelmed the next. There is no timeline on grief and the grieving process is unique to each individual loss.
● What to remember: Everyone grieves differently. Some people may show their grief through crying, anger, engaging in distractions or withdrawal from activities. There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but some coping strategies are healthier than others.
● How to respond: Check in on them regularly, even weeks or months later, especially on days you may know will be difficult, like significant dates such as anniversaries and birthdays. People often feel pressure to just “move on.” By normalizing the pace of their grieving process, you offer a support space for them to heal. Supporting a grieving person doesn’t require perfection - it requires presence. Your actions, no matter how small, can offer immense comfort and healing. Whether you listen, offer practical help, or simply sit with them in silence, your support can remind them that they don’t have to face grief alone.
If you need any additional reading, this piece is a beautiful analogy of loss, that helps normalize the non-linear recovery of loss, and the beauty you can find within the emotions you feel when you grieve.